she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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