I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
