Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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