He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
