I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
