You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found your dick twin last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
