He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize