its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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