I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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