The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
