I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
