The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
two words: eviction party
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
