yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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