take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
