so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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