you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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