Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
