My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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