It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
