How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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