I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
