I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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