Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
