Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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