Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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