Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
