i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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