You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
