I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
