then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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