I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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