im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
