I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
