you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
