but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
