Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
