The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
