booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
