The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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