Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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