Swine flu. Run for my life!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
