we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
