epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize