im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
