Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
