if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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