I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
