ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
