The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
