I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
