His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
