this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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