I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
