no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
