I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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