you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
