:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i now understand why vodka
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
