the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
