My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
