Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
