On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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