if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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