i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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