So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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