We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize