ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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