i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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