You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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