the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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