Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
