Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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