it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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