i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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