I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's just like the Real World with babies
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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