the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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