If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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