My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
